I debated writing this post today.
Let's face it, I am a train wreck.
A.TOTAL.TRAIN.WRECK.
My eyes are swollen and cloudy from crying.
My head is splitting and my nose is stopped up.
I can't eat (which should be helpful come bathing suit season).
I barely have coherent thoughts, much less sentences.
But then I thought about what these posts are about.
We aren't perfect.
Everything isn't always in it's place (physically or mentally).
We aren't always happy.
If I sat back and smiled and said that I was fine, I would be flat out lying.
To myself and to you blog lurkers out there.
What I do know:
This will pass.
I will be able to see again (when I can stop crying).
I will eat again (unfortunately for my hiney!).
And best of all:
God's love is perfect!
Here is where my {im}perfectness comes in....
I've ran the gamut with emotions over the last 36 plus hours.
Mostly with anger.
There it is folks. I've laid it out there. I'm mad.
Madder than snot.
Isn't that a pretty picture!
Not at God.
Not at Jay.
Not at the situation itself.
Not about the things we have to face now or the decisions we have to make.
But at the way my husband, my best friend, was treated.
Then I feel guilty for feeling angry and need a little reminding....
Leviticus 19:17-18
Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.
Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.
Psalm 4:4
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.
Psalm 30:5
Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Psalm 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.
Psalm 30:5
Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Psalm 37:8
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.
Proverbs 16:32
Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.
I could go on and on with verses from the Bible about anger.
Guess God knew that we'd have issues with that.
Good thing He gives us His little book of instructions!
Good thing He gives us His little book of instructions!
I'm also feeling guilty for my selfishness.
As I walked through our living room, sobbing,
I glanced over at the TV and my eye caught a news story.
A news story about Japan.
How blessed are we!
How my heart breaks for those who have lost their homes.
Their families.
Their hope.
I pray that I can stay focused as I'm paying bills next week!
I hear you: Dang, Kim, you're really a "downer" today.
I do have some good news.
The biopsy that was done on Jay last week came back negative!
WOO HOO!
God knew that I would fall into an absolute puddle if the day after Jay got laid off we were told he had cancer!
8 comments:
Kim, thanks for pouring your heart out. We know there is nothing any of us can say to change things or make them better, but, like you said, this too shall pass, and God has a plan for both you and Jay.
so sorry! Praying for your family! This too shall pass!!!
Thanks for your thoughts. I like your post. I'm sorry about the challenges right now. Really, truly. Praise God the biopsy was fine.
thank you for your honesty and for linking up. i'm so sorry to hear about your husband's job. God is faithful though. He sure is. xoxo.
Kim -
Beautifully and honestly written. Thanks for not shying away from writing or your emotions. Life is not always easy or fair, but our strength comes from the Lord. Unfortunately, we never know how strong that is until we really need it. You all will make it. I hope you will continue to be as honest with your struggles as you blog.
Blessings.
Eric
Been praying for you guys a lot this week. My dad has always reminded me that "Trouble doesn't come to stay, it always comes to pass." Praying that it will pass quickly for you!
love your completely honest post. i hope that sharing about the reality of your last week has helped you feel a little bit better or clear your head some.
still praying for your sweet family!
Thank you for your perfectly honest post! It is a comfort to know that God loves no matter WHAT! Wonderful news about your husband's biopsy. I have been cancer free for 9 years now! WHooHoo!
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